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Viral TikTok shows how to support a friend who just had a baby

I recently gave birth to my second child, and even in the middle of postpartum, the mental strain never lets up. During nighttime feedings, I find myself thinking about what to pack for my son's school the next day, or telling myself, “Remember to put milk on the shopping list.” Life goes on around you, and you may be wondering how you can possibly keep up with or adapt to the ever-changing life of being a mother.

If you're like me, you have a hard time asking for help, especially when it comes to life at home, so the postpartum texts like “Let me know if you need anything” or “What can I do for you?” aren't really helpful. Thank you, but I won't ask you for anything. My brain capacity doesn't extend beyond “I'll just do it myself” because the reality is I need EVERYTHING. Taking the time to figure it out and delegate what I need feels like more work and a burden at the same time. So what do you do if you want to support a friend who has just had a baby? A viral TikTok post by Cameron Oaks Rogers gives the best advice on how to support your friend after giving birth.

Eating is a matter of course

After birth, parents are often so busy caring for their newborn that they forget to take care of themselves, so bringing or sending nutritious snacks or meals is always appreciated, which is what Rogers mentions in her video.

Send a supporting text with options

But this supporting text example is the real reason why her viral video has been liked by more than 40,000 people and saved over 16,000 times. I even saved it. Your advice is endorsed by a mother – me – who has just started giving birth, because my friends and family have done the same for me.

In her viral TikTok, Rogers says supporting a friend who just had a baby starts with a simple text message. She says the text should be specific and you should offer things that someone might feel uncomfortable asking you to do. TikTok user @lexisrb33 commented, “Yes, yes, yes! It's so uncomfortable to ask!” This includes things like making them dinner, cleaning their house, or taking care of the baby so you can sleep. Let me tell you, sleep is gold. Rogers gives the following example of how to text your friend:

Good morning, darling! I'll be here for you tomorrow from 12pm to 3pm, so please let me know how you'd like to use me. Here are some ways:

  1. I come while you hang out with the baby and I do laundry, bottles, cooking, shopping and putting away groceries
  2. I will come and take care of the baby while you sleep alone in your room or do something on your own or go out to lunch together with the baby.
  3. I come and invite you to lunch, with or without baby
  4. And we sit on the couch and just chat or watch a funny movie with the baby

You can decide at any time, just let me know!

Rogers says, “It's so important to let them decide.” Getting someone to accept the help can be an accomplishment in itself. Personally, I initially had a hard time accepting help when it was offered because I felt like I had to return the favor. It wasn't until I came across a video from @nurturewomenstherapy of Amy Swart, a pregnancy and postpartum therapist, where she reiterates, “There will be many moments in your life when you are in a giving phase and the one offering help… you are in the RECEIVING phase…” TikTok user @delancey.diy commented, “Why am I crying and wishing someone had done this for me after my first child when I was so lost in my (undiagnosed) PPD?”

And what if there is a small child present?

Rogers gives another solution if your friend has other children or a toddler. Her example text is as follows:

  1. I will come and take the toddler to do something fun, or I will stay with the toddler and you will go with the baby so you can spend some time alone with the baby.
  2. I'll come and stay with the baby, and you and the toddler will go out together for some alone time.

If you have trusting people in your life, that's helpful. Friends and family have taken my three-year-old out for a few hours to play with friends and cousins, and that's a great option.

And if you don't live nearby?

After Rogers' first video went viral, people reached out and asked how they could help if they weren't nearby. Rogers points out that it's still OK to send a text, but you need to plan it accordingly. She recommends texting a week before the due date and asking what restaurant they like to go to and what they order. You'll have all the information you need—once the person has delivered their baby, you can send a quick text and ask if you can send them dinner via DoorDash, Uber Eats, or another food delivery service.

Other ways to help if you don’t live nearby:

  • Send a cleaning service
  • Send a lawn mowing service
  • Send diapers
  • Send drinking packages
  • Send protein bars
  • Email a Kindle book (this is my favorite for late night breastfeeding sessions)

@existentialreadhead commented: “A friend got us a snack box subscription and it was great! When surprise snacks started showing up at my house, I cried.”

Don't forget mom

Rogers also points out that it's easy to focus on the baby and not the mom. I mean – I know. Who doesn't want to cuddle and stare at a cute baby all day? But even a simple message like, “How are you today?” can go a long way. I love how Rogers mentions, “I would never in a million times [explicit] I wasn't known for writing lyrics like that or offering things like that before I had my kids because you just don't know. It's a universal experience. We all apologize after our first child.” That's true. I didn't know how to be there for my friends who were pregnant when I wasn't a mother yet. As Rogers says, “I never imagined what [they] been through.” So thank you, Cameron Oaks Rogers, for giving us the perspective we all needed.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Patty Schepel, editorial intern

As an editorial intern, Patty works with The Everymom team on pitches, creates original articles, updates existing content, sources photos, writes product descriptions for shoppers, writes articles for freelancers, and more. When she's not working, she spends time with her family, trains for half marathons—she ran one at 16 weeks pregnant—travels, cooks, reads romantic comedy, and keeps her sourdough starter, Rose, alive.

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