15 tips on how to get over a breakup, even when it seems impossible

We understand that dealing with the emotional pain after a breakup isn't easy, and temporary distractions can certainly serve their purpose. But the only way to begin your healing journey is to process your feelings so that you can ultimately grow from them. Which brings us to our next clue…

2. Don’t fight the pain: feel it

“Some people think they have to stop thinking about the pain in order to move on and be happy,” says Sarah Gundle, PsyD, a New York City-based clinical psychologist and assistant professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital. “But you have to actually feel your feelings to understand and accept what happened.”

One way to create a space for this reflection (and wallowing) is to set a timer for 10 to 20 minutes and just sit (or lie) and accept the emotions that arise (like anger, emptiness, or sadness). Feel whatever you feel and think whatever you think—with curiosity, not judgment (this is called emotional acceptance, and it's legitimate). Many of us aren't aware of the relief that can come when we stop suppressing our true feelings.

Remember, you're not just grieving the end of a relationship, but also the hopes and expectations you had for your future – perhaps you dreamed of moving in with that person or starting a family. “So be gentle and compassionate with yourself during this difficult and confusing time,” advises Dr. Gundle.

3. Focus on things that make you happy

To be clear, “People shouldn't ignore the things that bring them joy just because they're in a long-term relationship,” says Dr. Gundle. But of course, it's possible that you've put some of your solo interests on the back burner or forgotten about self-care while you've been so engrossed in your relationship. Maybe you haven't painted in a while because you've been spending most of your time with your partner. Or maybe you put your bedside guitar sessions on hold when you started sleeping over every night.

“Instead of dwelling on what was lost, look at this time as an opportunity to reignite your personal passions,” says Andrea Liner, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Denver. Step out of your comfort zone with a new hobby — maybe you can join a running club or try knitting, for example. Think of this as a chance to get to know yourself and rediscover what really brightens your life and well-being.

4. Focus on creating new memories

It can be really difficult to stop by your favorite coffee shop, listen to your favorite playlist or podcast, or stroll through your neighborhood park without the person you used to do those things with. “It's important to create memories that aren't associated with your ex-partner,” Dr. Orbuch says. For example, instead of going alone to the restaurant you used to go to on date nights with the person who shall not be named, invite a group of friends to accompany you. “Reclaiming and reclaiming a place or experience can instill a sense of control,” Dr. Gundle says—by allowing you to reframe it with new, positive associations.