Pro-Palestinian march returns to protest against Israeli army's latest war crime since demonstrations began

PORTLAND, Oregon – A pro-Palestinian march reportedly changed course today and turned around to launch a new protest against the latest war crime committed by the Israeli army since the demonstration began, sources confirmed.

“We came out an hour ago to protest the bombing of a refugee camp and had to turn back to start another protest when the IDF shelled a field hospital,” said pro-Palestinian protester Casey Heinz, crossing out “no bombing of schools” and writing “stop shooting doctors.” “And those are just the ones that are on the international news. We can't even keep up with all the videos that IDF soldiers post that start with 'Hey, look at this sweet war crime.' Alright, folks, we're turning back – the IDF just bombed two more schools.”

The unpredictability of the march route reportedly caused confusion among local police, who were tasked with violently quelling the peaceful demonstration.

“The guys and I came here to knock some heads in, but we just can't pin these slick bastards down! Every time we set up a blockade, they turn around and head off in a different direction with a new protest,” said Officer Bart Tillman, sipping a Gatorade. “We thought we had them for a moment, but then we got totally confused and accidentally crashed a 5K fun run. Luckily it was just a fundraiser for the ACLU, so we didn't feel bad, but still.”

Meanwhile, the Israel Defense Forces condemned the lengthy march and the unorthodox route taken by the protesters.

“It is simply unacceptable that the US government has allowed this terrorist group to spread its propaganda through this menacing walking demonstration. Not to mention that our intelligence services have indicated that they are likely to be using their GPS route to say something sinister to send secret messages to our enemies,” said Herzi Halevi, Israel Defense Forces Chief of Staff. “See that line there? Clearly the beginning of an H for Hamas. Only God knows what damage they can do until they reach the S.”

At press time, a protester who had been marching back and forth since the Rafah tent massacre reported that his Fitbit had finally exploded.