Run, Hide, Fight, Die | Defector

Hey, teachers heading back to work and parents of kids spending another school year in school, the FBI has a video for you! It's a six-minute PSA called “Run. Hide. Fight. – Stay Safe at School.”

A friend who teaches at the school in Northern Virginia where the film was shot recently sent me the clip. For those who haven't seen it and don't want to, I watched it. The government's attempt to sterilize school shootings would be comical if the death toll wasn't so high in reality. There are no guns or dead people in the entire film. No ambulances in the parking lot. Not even a single scream.

Good God, what a lying, disappointing piece of crap.

The film begins before the first bell of the school day rings. The principal, a PE teacher, a science teacher and a librarian stroll down the hall, talking about sports, school parties and field trips. The bell rings and everything is great until about a minute later, when gunshots ring out, accompanied by a soundtrack of menacing keyboard music. No one screams.

No one screams. The children in the gymnasium obey the PE teacher, who calmly tells them to run outside. Then she turns to the camera and wants viewers to know that if a shot is fired in their school, they should “keep their empty hands up and obey all police orders.”

Cut to science class, where the children calmly obey their teacher as he calmly tells them to hide. He then turns to the camera to tell viewers that if there is a shooting in their school, they should not “crawl under the desks and freeze” because “that's an easy target for the attacker.” An apparent maintenance technician with a name tag (“PAT”) on his shirt appears in the science teacher's classroom with blood stains from an invisible wound on his arm and is calmly told, “It's going to be OK.”

The librarian is then shown in the library, calmly explaining to two subordinates that the invisible shooter is blocking their only exit and there is no hiding place among the bookshelves, so they will fight. “If you control the gun, you control the shooter,” the librarian tells the audience as she calmly hands out battle plans to her two colleagues: “I'll go for the gun. Kate, you go for the arms. Alex, you go for the head.”

The well-read Alex nods calmly in agreement and grabs a decorative rock from a shelf. I guess this rock will give her a slightly better chance when the shadow of the supposed shooter appears and they go to attack him. But in the real world, none of these people come out of such an encounter without bullet holes.

This is not the real world, of course. This is a government movie. The screen goes dark before we see police officers running into the library and the librarians telling them, “We got him!”

Soon after, all the main characters meet again outside in the parking lot and everyone is happy. The film ends with instructions on how to follow the escape, hide and fight plan. In the end, only Pat, the caretaker, has shed blood. But he too will recover.

As far as I know, the Justice Department never issued a press release or otherwise announced the release of the school massacre video. I don't blame them. Whoever greenlit this worthless film probably had to run and hide from their superiors after it was finished. An FBI spokesperson would not answer questions from Defector, including about who produced the film or how much money was spent on its production.

According to data site Statista.com, there were 82 school shootings in the United States last year. All of us who send our children to school in this country are taking a risk.

Have a great school year, everyone. You'll make it.