Threat level is the perfect antidote to misplaced confidence after a rough week for Michigan's offense

One man may seem incompetent/ Another makes no sense/
While others look like quite a waste/
From corporate spending

There's a pretty fundamental belief in all sports fandoms in the idea of ​​momentum. That idea is expressed on the micro level (“He's getting going!” “He's on top of his game!” “Boomshakalaka!” etc.) and the macro level (“Ohio State quarterbacks will always be bad in the NFL”), and it fascinates me because if it's a real thing, momentum is so real you can almost feel it tugging at your soul like the ghost from Poltergeist reaching through the TV into your gut.

Often it's just nonsense. No matter how much you want something to be true, it doesn't make it true. I don't know that Alex Orji is capable of throwing the football, or that Donovan Edwards is a top-notch running back, or that completely overhauling an offensive line is anything but a problem.

None of this is true, and I think the time Michigan fans spent bringing these things into being could have been better spent doing…literally anything else. Assuming any of this matters at all, I think it would have been better to smack Sherrone Moore about getting a quarterback in the transfer portal.

This is funnier.

YOU GET WHAT YOU GET

Okay, yes, Michigan beat a decent Fresno State team 30-10 at home, which looks pretty good if you didn't watch the game. A three-touchdown win is a three-touchdown win, so does it really matter to be nitpicky?

Anyone who watched the game saw the Wolverines' offensive line get cornered on the third and final attempt, a nonsensical rotation of quarterbacks gain 121 yards passing, the wide receivers look completely lost, Will Johnson vacillate wildly between being the best and worst cornerback in America, Wink Martindale launch the dumbest blitz ever without a single coverage, and Donovan Edwards carry the ball 11 times for 27 yards and look like an idiot, my friend.

Because all these things Do important and happened, I guess the previous four hundred words were just a fancy way of me saying, “Told you so, nerds!”

Mediocrity (or being absolutely bad) is not a mortal sin

What I don’t understand is why Michigan World in general was so insistent that bad, or at least not very good, things were actually good all offseason (yes, Alex Orji has this Tim Tebow Comparisons, eh?). Everything that looked bad for Michigan on Saturday was predictable to anyone with half a brain, which I know because I predicted it and only have half a brain.

I know I'm exaggerating, but I don't think Michigan is a bad team. I don't even think they're mediocre! They have bad and mediocre parts, but what's good is still pretty good: keep Davis Warren at quarterback, throw a ball to Colston Loveland fifty times a game, forget Donovan Edwards exists and run Kalel Mullings' legs out from under him, pray to God the defense doesn't sustain any major injuries, and boom, you have eight wins and a passable start to the Sherron Moore era.

What's so bad about it? It's good to know and admit it.

TIME TO CALL BACK

The simple version of what I'm saying is that winning a Natty convinced many Michigan fans that they had flipped the switch to dynasty, allowing them to absorb the loss of half their team and coaching staff without any real obstacles on the road to more trophies.

Frankly, Michigan was never even close. They won the national championship last season thanks largely to a unique combination of extra eligibility, NFL coaching levels, top-notch line play and, yes, some cheating. None of it was ever sustainable, and any claims of turning into the Alabama (or Ohio State) North were pretty much unfounded.

“Iowa with potential” is closer to reality, but remember, Iowa won 10 games last year. Right now, I don't see the slightest chance Michigan can repeat that feat in 2024. Maybe “Northwestern with a scarier defense”? I don't know, we'll have to get through that before Texas absolutely crushes them next weekend.

However, the threat level has been lowered to GUARDED, especially because I laughed so hard when Alex Orji threw a simple five-yard pass straight into the ground at 5,000 miles per hour. See you next week!