Dear Annie: My daughter is devastated after her best friend accused her of stalking

Dear Annie: My adult daughter was very close friends with a woman, her husband, and their two teenage daughters. When her friend moved across the country, my daughter was heartbroken. However, they continued to talk on the phone, text, and email almost daily. My daughter even traveled across the country and considered moving to a nearby city.

Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, her friend started ghosting her – she stopped responding to texts, calls, and emails. My daughter is devastated and cannot imagine any explanation for this sudden change.

She brought her friend a small potted flower and a card, expressing her love and sympathy and asking for help in understanding what had happened. The friend's reaction was shocking: she texted my daughter telling her to stay away and not to contact her or her family. She even accused her of “stalking”.

I just want her friend to explain what went wrong. Is that too much to ask? In the name of decency, a simple sentence explaining what led to this sudden end to their friendship would go a long way. The two had recently talked about a similar situation happening to someone else, and they both agreed that something like that would never happen to them.

My daughter is devastated and just wants to understand what happened.

—Need some answers

Dear Need Some Answers: You already have your answer. The best advice I can give you and your daughter is to find a way to put it behind you. Sometimes we don't get the explanations we hope for, and that's a hard truth to accept. While you can't control how others react, you do have control over how you react to them.

It seems that this friendship has run its course and perhaps was not built on the qualities that are essential to a healthy relationship – qualities like trustworthiness, empathy, loyalty, and openness. It sounds like this person doesn't fully understand what it means to be a true friend.

Encourage your daughter to focus on the positive relationships in her life where these values ​​are present and valued. Over time, the pain of this loss will lessen and she will be stronger for having lived through it.

How to Forgive My Cheating Partner is now available! Annie Lane's second anthology – featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].

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