The chat before the video meeting took a bad turn

Dear Ms. Manners: Due to a pretty serious injury years ago, I now work 100% remotely. That means lots and lots of video meetings.

Most meetings start with “Hello, how are you?” or “Good game on Sunday, did you see it?” questions and random chatter.

But in the last few weeks topics have been raised that I consider to be unprofessional. Examples: A few people are discussing vaccinations, and one will sarcastically ask, “Have you received your updated booster shot?” and the other will respond, “Not yet – my memory chip implant hasn't expired yet.” Or they will say directly, “That It's all just a game.” In other cases, they brought up local politics that quickly segued into discussions of national politics.

How can I politely request that these topics not be discussed? I would ask the person who created the meeting, but she is one of my work friends and everyone knows that.

Gentle reader: Ah, but you haven't heard the answer from Miss Manners, for whom a sympathetic boss will be a bonus: tell the meeting creator the real problem, but then ask that it be solved by taking the time to chat so you can get down to business.

Dear Ms. Manners,: My husband and I went to brunch to celebrate the birthdays of three single friends.

The three of them made these plans among themselves and then invited us after planning when the date, time and place had already been decided.

When the check came, my husband picked it up. One of the birthday celebrants said, “No, we all pay.” After some back and forth, everyone paid the same portion of the bill.

But one of the birthday celebrants was upset when he told all of us later at another meal together. He said he didn't like having to pay for his own birthday brunch. (We're old people with even older friends, so the truth usually comes out.)

I explained that he didn't buy his birthday brunch himself: he bought brunch for celebrant #1, who bought brunch for celebrant #2, who bought brunch for him – and that my husband and I paid our own way just so we could could be with everyone.

Somehow that just made him angrier, so we dropped the subject.

How should we have handled this?

The chat before the video meeting took a bad turn

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The chat before the video meeting took a bad turn

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