New research looks at soulmates while Edmonton Zoo feeds your ex to an animal

An Edmonton researcher is working to debunk the “soulmate myth,” saying the key to a happy relationship is choosing someone, not finding “the one.”

A new report co-authored by University of Alberta researcher Adam Galovan suggests that the idea of ​​a soul mate can make finding a partner more difficult.

“I think in our culture it's romanticized, especially on days like Valentine's Day, but it has implications for the way we approach relationships that may not be so helpful,” Galovan said.

The study examined 615 couples in the United States and Canada. Galovan and his colleagues found that couples with “fatality beliefs” were less willing to put in the work and effort required for a thriving partnership.

“I like to say that soulmates are made, not found. You have to put in the effort,” Galovan said. “If you just assume you're going to find them, when things get rough or bumpy, you might say, 'Well, maybe I didn't choose the right person, maybe I didn't find the right one.'

“And that's why some people tend to back out or not commit.”

Rather, research suggests that healthy partnerships are created through proactive relationship management that includes forgiveness, commitment, compassion, and acts of kindness.

“Love is a verb. It's not just a feeling, it's something you do,” Galovan said. “Are you willing to take the time to spend time with your partner, talk to them, show compassion during difficult times and nurture the relationship instead of just focusing on your feelings, which can ebb and flow from day to day?”

Research suggests that this belief in fate can also make breakups more difficult. A more active approach to relationship building can help singles stay optimistic and learn from their experiences.

“When you break up, you may think, 'I thought this person was the right one. And now we're not in a relationship anymore. What should I do?'” Galovan said. “We say there are many options.”

“It's not just 'the one', it's probably one of several… So don't despair because you've lost your one true chance and love. There is still hope.”

For more information about Galovan's research into the soulmate myth, see the full report based on that research.

For Edmontonians going through a breakup or feeling less optimistic about love this year, the Edmonton Valley Zoo is offering a way to let off some steam on Valentine's Day.

This is the second year you can name a mealworm or rodent after a not-so-special person — and watch a zoo animal eat it.

“People who are spending Valentine's Day and maybe aren't feeling so great or have someone they don't care about that much that they might want to get rid of, they can adopt a mealworm or a rodent here at the zoo and we'll feed it to our meerkats or snakes,” said Kelley Polowy of the Edmonton Valley Zoo.

Donations raised through the program go toward animal care. Last year, the zoo raised about $1,400 for its care program and expects to raise more than $1,200 this year.