I'm a therapist who procrastinates – this is how I get out of it

Quick, what are you procrastinating about right now? For many of us – er, me – the answer might be: “Uh, what am I not procrastinate?” It's common to put off your responsibilities, whether it's a harmless task on your to-do list or a big life change. Heck, you probably even put off things you know you'd enjoy. If you don't do that, at least occasionally, you may be the odd man out, Britt Frank, LSCSW, a therapist in Kansas City, Kansas, tells SELF.

As author of both The Science of Stuck And The workbook “Getting out of the dead end”, Frank knows a little about what it's like to feel stuck. Understanding the brain science behind procrastination doesn't save her from falling victim to this nearly universal habit. “I procrastinate because I'm human,” she says. “I do it for small things, I do it for big things, and I do it for silly things like answering an email that would take two seconds.”

Why are most of us like this? Thanks to the complicated web of humanity and neuroscience, there are numerous theories about our tendency to put things off even when we need to act. Frank thinks it can be helpful to think of procrastination as the body's natural response to stress, specifically the freeze response—you know, the lesser-known counterpart to fight and flight. “You freeze because your brain perceives a threat for some reason,” Frank says. If you've ever spoken in front of a large crowd, you probably know that something doesn't have to be truly life-threatening for our brain to scream “danger!” In fact, it can be something mundane—including, yes, seemingly innocuous tasks that we'll move heaven and earth to avoid doing.

So what do you do when you're paralyzed with anxiety about your next trip to the DMV, writing back to a friend, or, like Frank when we called, putting away clean clothes that have been sitting there for two days? Here are her top tips, or exactly how she plans to get her damn laundry done.

Don't ask why you hesitate.

Look, you could Sit down and think about why you've been putting this off for so long. For example, I could look deep inside myself and tell you that I'm not just putting off sending a follow-up email – I'm wrestling with my deep desire to never annoy people so they'll like me, okay! And you could maybe think about the connection between your fear of failure and your inability to start this project, and Frank could certainly offer all sorts of insight into the common reasons someone might put something off.

BUT RESIST THE URGE. “Stop asking why,” says Frank. “That’s the most important first step.” Don’t get her wrong—sometimes a little self-reflection can provide helpful insights. It’s rarely a useful First Step. “You can analyze your why, but then you're just stuck insightfully,” she continues. “Insight is good, but movement is better, at least in the beginning. If I'm feeling really stuck, analysis and awareness can come after momentum, but not before.” You'll be surprised how often you can solve the problem without having to make yourself a therapist. “And once you've solved the procrastination problem you're facing, you may not care why you struggled with it in the first place,” Frank adds.

Instead, ask: “What can I do?”

“We want to get out of our heads and make our decisions,” Frank says, suggesting listing possible small steps on paper or out loud to really cement them. For example, Frank might decide she could put away a sock (“Don't even look for a pair—just one sock”), move the laundry basket to a more comfortable spot, or just stand up and shake out her muscles “to gain momentum.” All of that sounds better than “putting away the huge pile of laundry,” right?