Dear Annie: My daughter, 23, can neither get her driver’s license nor find a job

Dear Annie: My 12-year-old son visits his friend from time to time. His friend lives in a small town within walking distance of ice cream shops, markets, and delis. Whenever my son comes to visit, his friend's mother asks me to give him cash for lunch or dinner or to send her money via Venmo.

When his friends come to visit, we provide food because that's the right thing to do.

I feel that since they live in the city, they should either pay for my son when they go to pick something up or prepare something at home like I do.

Is it wrong to feel this way?

— Not willing to send money

Dear “Not Willing”: It's not very polite to “request” something from someone you're hosting, but if your son wasn't visiting his friend, you would still pay for his meal. You also don't know what the son's financial situation is. If money is tight, the alternative would be not to invite your son at all. Either give your son something to eat before he leaves, or give him cash to take with him.

Dear Annie, My daughter is 23 years old. She moved back in with me after a bad, toxic relationship. I told her I would help her. The problem is that she doesn't have a driver's license or a job to stand on her own two feet and be independent. She thinks going out with friends she met online is a good start to overcoming her sadness and depression. I told her she needs to have priorities and real goals because I'm not going to help her any further financially.

She is not looking for a job, does not want to study for her driving test or even do any training. I don't know what else to do. She has the means, but she doesn't want them. She just continues to see her problems as being in social situations. Any advice?

— “Strict” mother

Dear Strict Mom, I want to make one thing clear: You are not being “strict” in the slightest. Your daughter needs a reality check. She is lucky to have a parent who is so supportive and will help her when she needs that help and guidance as much as you do. But that doesn't mean she can count on your generosity.

The solution is simple. Either she starts taking steps in the right direction to get her life in order – by getting a job, enrolling in school, getting a driver's license – or she finds a home of her own.

How to Forgive My Cheating Partner is now available! Annie Lane's second anthology – featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].

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