How do I get my old mother to make friends?

Dear Abby: My 69-year-old mother recently moved close to my wife and me to be with us as she ages. All in all, it has been a great experience for all of us. Mom is in excellent health and still very active. She goes for walks every day and takes care of the house and garden. We see her often.
The problem is that she is very reluctant to meet new people or go out without us. She says she will never find friends as good as the ones she left behind, so it's not worth trying. We encouraged her to go to the senior center, which she did, but she quit after a month because the people there were “too old.”

I took her to church, but after the second Sunday she announced she wasn't going anymore. My wife tried to get her to join a club or volunteer at our children's school, but Mom said she doesn't like to stick to a schedule. Several neighbors invited her, but she always makes excuses to say no. I think they stopped asking her.

Since she's independent, it's not a big deal now. But I'm worried that if she doesn't meet people when she's older, we'll be her only source of support while she's still active.

People often ask if older parents go through a personality change due to age or dementia, and I don't think that's the case here. Mom has always been shy. Now she's shy and stubborn. What are my options? — Taking Care of Mom in Chicago

Dear Looking Out: One of my first thoughts is that your mother is not the independent person you described and that she is completely dependent on you and your wife for social interactions. This is not healthy for ANY of you.

Before she isolates herself any further than she already has, sit her down and tell her point blank that you don't want this and that she NEEDS to make more of an effort to interact with others. While relationships aren't interchangeable, she once had a social life and will have it again IF she makes the effort.

If she is shy and has trouble talking to strangers, suggest that she volunteer at an animal shelter. This way she gets out of the house, interacts with others, and is not dependent on you alone.

Dear Abby: My friend “Sally” has been with this guy for 10 years. Their relationship has been rocky from the start and he doesn't seem to want to commit. He acts like he doesn't even want to BE with her and only spends time with her when it suits him.

He put Sally through a lot. He was with this other woman. He said it was because she knew some things about him and resented him and he couldn't tell my friend. I think he's a narcissist. What advice can you give her? — Question for a friend

Dear questioner: Knowing that the most unwanted advice is the one you don't ask for, I would wait until the next time Sally complains about the treatment this man has inflicted on her for the past 10 years and then suggest that she talk to a licensed mental health professional about how to rebuild her self-esteem.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.