Michail Antonio hoped for an injury after losing his love for football, but therapy saved his career

Michail Antonio has revealed he has become so alienated from football that he stopped celebrating winning a trophy with West Ham – and hoped to get injured just to be able to stay away from the game.

The 34-year-old told the “High Performance” podcast that his recent divorce and the lack of breaks from football had worsened his mental health and that he had to undergo therapy to enjoy playing football again.

Antonio's mental health was so strained that he was unable to celebrate the Hammers' historic Europa Conference League victory with his teammates last June and instead slept in the team hotel.

“I was going through my divorce and stuff, and I really couldn't believe it,” Antonio said. “After we won, the whole team went out, the boss went out, got mad [drunk]some guys didn't sleep for two days, they were just drunk for two days.”

“I slept on the bus and went back to the hotel. I was just mentally exhausted with everything that was going on outside of my football and then I went back to the hotel and fell asleep while everyone else was partying.

“It wasn't until December that I started feeling better and I thought: 'Oh my God, I've won a European Championship.'”

He first noticed that he was enjoying football less and less during a game in December 2022, around the same time as his form began to decline.

“I think we actually won the game, but I didn't have the best game,” Antonio said. “And I thought to myself, 'I'm not enjoying football.' During the game, I thought, 'I'm really not enjoying this.'

“I just felt pretty negative. I'm a very positive person myself.

“I didn't score a goal from December until, I think, March or April. And I just felt exhausted. And then I went away with Jamaica because for some strange reason I enjoyed football with Jamaica.

“But I actually prayed for an injury. I thought to myself, 'I just want to be injured, I want a break.' And then I went away to Jamaica and got my medical [knee ligament in November 2023]. I thought to myself: 'I'm 33. I can't afford to perform like this or I won't get another contract.'”

Antonio became West Ham's all-time top Premier League goalscorer three years ago and is popular with fans but has struggled with the pressure to perform consistently.

“Once your life depends on it, once people are constantly insulting you and criticizing you, it becomes a job,” Antonio said. “So it doesn't matter how good it is, it doesn't matter how much you love the game, it becomes a real job for you.”

“I started therapy because I was really struggling. And growing up, that was never an issue. I thought therapy was for crazy people. But therapy changed my life. It was weird at first, I'm not going to lie. You're sitting in the room, someone's there and asks, 'How are you?'.

“And the natural reaction is: 'Good'. So he says: 'Then why are you here?' I say: 'Honestly… football, I have problems with football and I separated from my wife.'”

Antonio made the decision to begin therapy in consultation with West Ham medical staff and the PFA.

He described how football had once been an escape from his personal problems, but the stress that comes with life as a professional footballer and the relentlessness of the modern schedule eventually caught up with him and destroyed something he once loved.

“My football was always my refuge from everything that was happening in my life,” Antonio continued. “My father died and things like that, I went to football and I could block it out for the two hours I was there, or the four hours I was there.”

“My life has been turned upside down a bit because of course I'm separating from my wife, plus I'm not performing well on the pitch and things are just not going well for me. And then I'm a person who never cries. And when I spoke to him, I just burst into tears. It was uncontrollable. That gave me a kind of relief. And then my chest felt free.”

Antonio added that the therapy sessions had prolonged his career, with the aim of staying at West Ham for a few more years and possibly playing for another three years.