Conservative who complained about food prices calls Harris' ban on price gouging communism

WHEELING, West Virginia – Local conservative Jerry Wardmore has repeatedly said that Vice President Kamala Harris' proposal to ban grocery price gouging is “downright communist,” even though he has complained about grocery prices daily for the past three years.

“She really shows what a dirty 'socialist' she is, which is to say, she supports pure hippie communism,” Wardmore said as he adjusted his ankle bracelet. “I can't believe half the country wants this woman to stop corporations from artificially inflating food prices. This is America – a corporation should be able to raise the price of basic food items by 700% if it damn well wants to. And of course, not a word from her about corrupt Joe Biden making us real patriots pay three times what we used to at Giant Eagle. He personally sets prices in red states as a form of discrimination against Christians.”

Wardmore's Gen Z niece, Eileen Wardmore, commented on her uncle's apparent ignorance of the irony of these statements.

“I swear to God, Uncle Jerry would literally not understand that every part of what he just said is wrong if I had Donald Trump explain it to him personally,” said an angry Ms. Wardmore. “I keep saying, 'Uncle Jerry, first of all, it's not the president who sets food prices, it's corporations, and they literally just charge more for no reason so their CEOs can make more money,' and he just refuses to listen to me. I finally screamed, 'She's proposing exactly what you're asking for,' and 'You don't know what communism is,' and stormed out of the house. I told my mom if I had to see him one more time, I'd be a medical risk for a heart attack at 23.”

Sam Seder, host of the progressive political talk show “The Majority Report,” commented on this phenomenon.

“I see this all the time,” said Seder, his hair visibly turning grayer by the second. “People who have been brainwashed by the right complain about a problem that really affects most of America, but as soon as someone on the left proposes a viable solution, they are labeled communists or whatever. You could literally plug Harris' policy proposal into one of those speech AI things and have Trump 'say' it, and his supporters would ask why the liberal elites and the Biden administration didn't think of it. We live in hell.”

At press time, Wardmore posted on Facebook an AI-generated image of Kamala Harris' face superimposed over a Mao Zedong flag.