This couple almost didn't get married because of one word: Strange

Name-calling in politics is nothing new. America has a long tradition of presidential candidates insulting each other, dating back to the race between Thomas Jefferson and John Adams in 1800. And yet it often feels like we are reaching new lows.

When presidential candidates on both sides indulge in childish name-calling instead of focusing on policy differences, it is not only degrading to the office they seek, but it also helps justify this behavior to the general public and makes name-calling permissible, acceptable, and even admirable. Children who call others names are called bullies, and it is no less wrong when the same behavior comes from adults.

Labeling a person can cause real and lasting harm to them socially and financially that you may not even realize at the moment.

David and Elisheva (names changed) are a fantastic couple in our community. They are raising a wonderful family, but their wonderful marriage almost didn't happen.

Elisheva moved to the West Side of Manhattan and met with a friend to look at a potential apartment. She arrived at the building early and while waiting in the lobby, she noticed a man who, in her words, looked “Jewish and normal.” Always on the lookout for her potential bashershe asked her friend, “What's wrong with the guy who was in the lobby earlier?”

Oh, this guy? He is totally strangehe keeps talking to the bouncer.

The friend pulled a face and said, “Oh, that guy? That guy is really weird, he talks to the bouncer all the time.”

That comment burned itself into her memory and created a mental block. She thought David was “the weird guy who talks to the doorman,” someone she should never be interested in.

Elisheva moved into the building and over the next few years, she and David crossed paths at Shabbat meals, speed dating events, and of course, in the building's lobby. They made small talk and sometimes you even felt like you were building a connection, but whenever they spoke, Elisheva still heard her friend's voice telling her that David was the “weird guy who talks to the bouncer,” and of course, she had no interest in that. Who wants to date someone weird?

Two years after Elisheva moved in, David was supposed to move out and leave New York. On his last Shabbat, he met Elisheva and told her he was leaving. They had a great conversation and it even seemed to him that she had let her guard down for the first time. So, he thought to himself, why not, why don't you try and ask her directly out on a date.

When Shabbat was over, he called her. Elisheva thought to herself: You know, he's a nice guy, and even if he's weird, he deserves an A for his efforts. I'm going out once just to be nice. It's going to be a 'one and done' thing.”

When they went out, Elisheva noticed that David often spoke to the doorman because he lived on the ground floor, worked from his apartment, had little contact with other people, and enjoyed getting out and socializing with someone who was often lonely himself. David wasn't “weird,” he was actually wonderful.

A few months later they got engaged and the rest is history.

If his friend hadn't labeled him “weird,” he could have saved himself two years of dating the wrong people and “wasting” his time.

When Elisheva reflects on her story, she says that if the friend hadn't labeled her “weird” and created that mental block, they would have saved themselves two years of dating the wrong people and “wasting” their time. Even though everything happens for a reason and God clearly decided that they needed to be together for two more years after the first meeting, she still says the friend was unkind and unfair when she used the “weird” label and that it could have caused her to miss out on her soulmate altogether.

Tu B'Av: Come together

This coming week we celebrate Tu B'Av. The Mishnah describes Tu B'Av as the happiest day of the year, a day when the women of Jerusalem dress in white, advertising their interest in finding a husband and building a home.

But why this date? The Talmud (Taanit 30a) mentions several events that specifically occurred on the 15th.^th of Av, including the day when young men and women were allowed to marry between the different tribes. It was also the day when the tribe of Benjamin was reinstated into the Jewish people after the sordid episode with the concubine in Giva described in the Book of Judges, the day when those who passed through the desert no longer died, the day when the guards blocking the roads to Jerusalem were removed, the day when the martyrs of Beitar were allowed to be buried.

From this seemingly unrelated list, it is clear that Tu B'Av is the holiday of bringing together what was separated. The tribes were divided, the Jewish people had become alienated from God, and on Tu B'av the pieces of the puzzle that belonged together were put back together to form the most beautiful and unified picture.

Tu B'Av is the holiday of unity and solidarity, where parts become a whole.

We can only move from Tisha B'Av, a day of remembering the tragedies and disasters that result from division, to Tu B'Av, a day of unity and togetherness, if we are careful with our labels, words, and the way we describe each other. It is not unusual to love every Jew and to see the best and the positive in them.

The next time you're asked about someone to set up a date, close a deal, or serve as a reference, be honest and sincere. But also be careful about the adjectives and labels you use. One word can make the difference between happiness and loneliness.