Viral obituary leads to more stories about ‘toxic’ families

As a PEOPLE reader recently reported, they were disowned by their parents ten years ago.

“This was my mother's decision. Nothing I did to resolve the situation, especially with my father, worked,” wrote the reader named KLMauiLover in a comment on a story about Christina Novak – whose strongly worded obituary for her estranged mother in Maine went viral.

Novak's remembrance of her mother, Florence “Flo” Harrelson (“even in death, she wanted the people she terrorized to continue to live in fear and to look around,” Novak wrote) elicited mixed reactions from readers across the country.

In many cases, commenters also shared their own experiences, describing difficult and painful family relationships and equally complicated emotions – as in the case of KLMauiLover.

“I just found out last week from a friend that my mother had died,” they wrote in their comment on the story about Novak's viral obituary. “This hit me with extreme anger, something I was not expecting because of the thoughts that were going through my head.”

“As much as my mother and I hated each other, I would have been there for her,” KLMauiLover continued. “I can't look at her obituary because I don't want to see if it says anything about me. But I would never have written something so disrespectful in my mother's obituary. There is no reason the public should see it.”

Of Novak, KLMauiLover wrote: “She could have bought a sympathy card, written what she wanted to say on it, and sent it to the person of her choice. Or she could have written it in a journal. Say a prayer. Use crystals.”

Novak, for her part, had previously said of her mother in an interview with PEOPLE: “To be clear. It's a PSA and not a joke. It was written with sarcasm and relief, but it's true. It was written in four sentences because I refused to spend a single dollar on that woman.”

Some commenters praised her for her candor – “I'm with her. Especially if it was a little therapeutic for her. Family can be more toxic than internet trolls,” wrote one, adding, “Who are we to judge?” – while others expressed different views.

“We only have one perspective and unless a person – even a child – has been in another person's shoes (even a mother's shoes), they may not understand their parent's behavior,” wrote commenter AJ. “Having said that, I wish this woman peace in her life and am in no way defending her mother's behavior.”

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Another commenter, Bertle Bee, wrote that they “had really loving parents. Our family had some major issues with my father's infidelity. However, we forgave him and cared for him until he died. I can relate to this woman's issues with her mother. … My sisters and I are very close and have decided we don't need people who don't care about us!”

Commenter Stacy echoed this, writing, “My dad is one of seven children. One of them has managed to alienate every single person in our family. She is toxic. Anything she touches or comes close to destroys her. She is a special kind of evil because she has torn our family apart.”

“We may never know when she dies. I always said that at her funeral I would be sitting in the front row of the church (if she even had one), in the most fabulous party dress, with a glass of champagne and a smile on my face,” Stacy continued.

And for at least some readers, Novak's decision was an inspiration, they said.

“I'm taking your idea here and exploiting it,” wrote commenter Mamailia. “My father abused me as a young girl. I forgave him. I don't forgive him for my mother being his slave, a damn good wife for 43 years, and he just didn't give a damn about her.”

A reader named Rebecca commented not on Novak's choice, but on the catharsis between comments.

“I am both fascinated and shocked by how so many 'of us' are responding to this article by fearlessly writing their stories – to free ourselves again and again from the abuse we have suffered,” Rebecca wrote.

Another reader named Robbie wrote that she dealt with a similar situation to Novak and found her own answer by looking to the future.

“My mother was never loving to us girls. We grew up with a lot of problems and still struggle with them as adults. But I have to say she had a beautiful funeral and a beautiful obituary. I had a lot of resentment towards her for the things she had done and most of all I felt a lot of heartache because all I ever wanted was for her to love me, to tell me she loved me,” Robbie wrote. “I promised myself that as a mother I would not be like mine.”

“I showed love to my daughter and taught her to discipline herself and not make demands without explanation like my mother did. To this day, I will hug my grown daughter and always give her a kiss on the forehead and tell her I love her,” Robbie continued. “So my revenge was to be a better person and father than I was to myself.”