The stars of “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” share what people misunderstand about them

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is a reality show that follows a group of Mormon influencers who came together in 2021 and 2022 to create social media content and formed a community called MomTok.

As her fame grew, so did her scandals. Taylor Frankie Paul, the creator of MomTok, made headlines in May 2022 when she opened up in a video about her participation in “soft swinging,” which she defined as “just hooking up once, but not going to the extreme.” She said it was practiced by others in her circle of friends and their husbands, but added, “The majority of MomTok is not involved in it,” although she never revealed the names of the other alleged participants.

The series begins after Paul's arrest in February 2023. He is accused of assault and domestic violence in the presence of a child, among other things.

“It was obviously one of the worst nights ever,” she told the New York Post in a recent interview. “But for me, it changed our relationship because I finally got help.”

After the first episode, the show expands its focus to the broader MomTok group: influencers Demi Engemann, Jennifer Affleck, Jessi Ngatikaura, Layla Taylor, Mayci Neeley, Mikayla Mathews and Whitney Leavitt.

Leavitt experienced a brief online scandal of her own in December 2021 when she posted a video of herself performing a viral TikTok dance alongside her newborn son and explaining that he was recovering from an RSV infection, which she confronts on the show.

Yahoo Entertainment spoke to all eight stars of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives about the transition from social media to reality show fame, how they became breadwinners for their families, and what people misunderstand about Mormonism.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

What was your relationship with social media before joining MomTok?

Mayci Neeley: We all had our own platforms, ran our own Instagrams, TikToks, and maybe made a few YouTube Shorts. Most of us already had a platform, and MomTok was an added bonus opportunity to do collaborations and get more exposure to our pages.

Demi Engemann: I have been in the social media world for almost 12 years, whether in front of the camera or helping brands build their social media pages.

Layla Taylor: I started my social media around the same time MomTok launched – maybe a few months before Taylor [Frankie Paul] invited me to film at one of the first “Content Days”.

Jennifer Affleck: I only joined MomTok about a year ago and have only been posting on social media for three years. Before MomTok, I was pretty isolated and doing my own thing. With MomTok, it's become so much bigger. I feel like I'm part of something bigger than myself.

Jessi Ngatikaura: I have a hair salon business and that's why I started social media. With MomTok everything became more fun, like an extracurricular activity.

What was it like letting a reality show television crew into your life?

Whitney Leavitt: It was a bit overwhelming, but also exciting at times. They pushed us to have conversations we wouldn't normally have. It was never planned either – [the crew] would say, “We’ll be right over!” Then you would hurry to clean up your house so that it isn’t a ruin.

Engemann: Definitely surreal. I had no expectations going in – I tried to go into it with an open mind because every reality show is different.

Taylors: I had a great experience. Working with our crew members and producers is great. I miss them all. They are like our second family.

Ngatikaura: As the crew left, my son asked, “Where are all my friends? Where did they go?”

Engemann: We felt like we were making a home video that no one would ever see, so it's crazy that it all came to life.

Mikayla Mathews: There were days when I was like, “I'm so funny! This is so much fun!” but then there were days when everything was a little more scary. But since we all have social media as a background, it was a seamless transition for most of us.

Affleck: I definitely feel like the camera does something to people. It amplifies emotions and personalities, especially in this group. We all have really strong personalities, so sometimes that can cause problems.

Matthew: I often thought, “Why do I feel like I'm close to tears right now? I would never cry about this.” Suddenly my emotions were even stronger.

Taylor Frankie Paul: I'm a pretty open book. I share a lot. This was different because we didn't edit it. But it did bring out a different side of me, one that's softer and more vulnerable. I'm more of a tough guy on the internet.

Whitney, how did you feel when your previous social media controversy – the TikTok dance in the hospital – came up on the show?

Leavitt: I didn't know it would come up. Demi [Engemann] was the one who made that decision. No one else in the group would have done that because they know how traumatic it was for me at the time.

Do you find it easier to talk about it now?

Leavitt: Definitely. It's been almost three years now, so I've had a lot of time to process it. When it came up [during the show]it was very inappropriate. But when I made the video, I had [MomTok as] a support group. We didn't talk about it, but I knew they all knew about it and still wanted me to be part of their videos and have me as a friend.

Do you think that your Mormonism has had an impact on your career as an influencer or now as a reality TV personality?

Neeley: In the beginning, I don't think I talked about religion much on social media unless people asked or saw photos from my wedding because the Mormon temple was in the background. Today, I make fun of myself for getting pregnant as a Mormon at BYU.

Engemann: There are some things that some girls don't want to participate in. We all have different values.

Matthew: I have not been active in the church for almost 10 years, but I know that it is different for everyone on their personal faith journey.

Affleck: It was really interesting for me because I love this religion. I'm a part of it, I believe in it, and it means everything to me. My relationship with God is at the center of it. Being on a platform where a lot of people see you, especially church members, was hard for me because I'm constantly thinking, “What does it mean to be a good Mormon? Do I have to act like this? Can't I dance like this? How do I have to dress?” Being a part of this show made me realize that being a good member isn't about how you appear to others. It's about whether or not you're a good person.

Ngatikaura: It's a religion that outsiders don't know much about, and I find that fascinating. It's polarizing – people either love it or hate it. I think it can help you, but sometimes it hurts us because people are very judgmental about our show title.

Paul: That's why MomTok took off – we were these Mormon girls who didn't do Mormon things.

Are there any misconceptions about Mormonism that you would like to correct?

Leavitt: First, we are not polygamists. Second, we can drink caffeine, but we are advised to avoid tea and coffee.

Engemann: We understand everything. Whatever you call it, we understand it. We were on this project recently and when we showed up they said, “Wait a minute, we thought you wore bonnets and pioneer dresses and made butter?”

Taylors: People assume things based on the information they've gathered over their lives, but I think they'll be pleasantly surprised when they see that we don't do any of these things. Not everyone wears clothes. Unfortunately, soaking is a thing.

Engemann: I never took part in it.

Taylors: I don't get soaked. I just have sex.

Engemann: There are many extremes in this religion and it's cool to see that there is a whole spectrum of beliefs.

Affleck: I drink caffeine and too much of it.

Matthew: People always say, “Oh, you’re so normal!” It’s like they think Mormons are aliens.

Ngatikaura: I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that Mormons are boxed in and limited. People think we don't have phones and we don't have internet and we have to wear turtlenecks every day. We show that Mormons can be cool, normal people.

Many women on the show talk about how, as influencers, they are the breadwinners of their families. What does it mean to you to be the breadwinner?

Affleck: It was very empowering, especially for someone who doesn't have a college degree or all the credentials in the world. For goodness sake, I'm dancing on my countertops, but it looks different for everyone. If it's about paying the bills, it's about paying the bills. My intention was to support my husband through medical school and then support my parents. My goal is to be able to tell my kids that you really can do it if you really want to, and you can do it all on your own, even if it looks different than you expected.

What do you hope people take away from the show?

Neeley: We're all mothers, we all earn money, and most of us are the breadwinners. Hopefully this can inspire women who grew up in a more traditional household. Hopefully people can find someone in the cast that they can relate to and learn from. The goal is to empower people.

Engemann: We have long pitted women against each other: “Who wore it better? Who is dating whom? Who stole whose husband?” and other [positioning] These things create a natural divide. I want us to swing the pendulum back and realize that women need other women.

Affleck: I hope that everyone can hear our story and learn from it and grow from it, rather than just having these preconceived notions of what Mormons are supposed to be. I hope that everyone can see us for who we are and turn away from religion and feel comfortable enough to share their stories about what they felt ashamed or guilty about in the church.

Matthew: Hopefully people will see it and feel like they are friends and one of the MomTok girls.

All eight episodes of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives are now streaming on Hulu.

This article contains affiliate links, which means if you click on such a link and make a purchase, we may receive a commission.