“The Golden Bachelorette” has nothing in common with “The Golden Bachelor.” That’s good news.

In the spirit of reality TV, first a confession: I had fully expected the new Golden Bachelorette series on ABC. After watching it The Golden BachelorOverwhelmed by second-hand embarrassment—cheesy jokes about sexual prowess and oversized breasts, not to mention the unctuous sincerity of the Golden Bachelor (but I will)—I thought it would all be the same, just with the gender roles reversed.

I was wrong. And I think the difference between the shows is largely due to the kindness and remarkable authenticity of Joan Vassos, the 61-year-old Bachelorette. From the moment she's greeted in the Bachelor mansion by Jesse Palmer (the host with a thousand teeth), she bears the burden of the show seemingly effortlessly, all the while wearing a skin-tight lamé dress. She's like the school administrator—which she actually is—who might inform you of your child's suspension in a way that makes you feel like they're the valedictorian of the class.

A little background before we begin. Vassos, widowed after 32 years of marriage, was a candidate in the Golden Bachelor However, she left the show mid-season to help her daughter (one of her four children) who was suffering from a difficult pregnancy and birth. When she was called back for her turn, The Golden Bachelorette, she didn't seem to think about not taking the… trip. In the premiere, she meets 24 bachelors aged between 57 and 69 and has to split the group in half.

About those 24 bachelors. I don't know where the show's producers found these guys, but as one of the 24 notes with a little smugness, “There's no shortage of studs in the stable to choose from.”

I'd say he was right, and that brings me to the unreality of this reality TV journey. Ask any woman over 50 (I'm 73) what her experience in the dating world is like, and you'll get a response similar to one woman who recently told the New York Times: “It's exhausting. … It's like panning for gold in the sewers.”

I guess it helps when the producers do the planning for you, because these suitors all seem to be good-looking (middle-aged in various ways), friendly, family-oriented, relatively wealthy and generous, especially in their assessment of Vassos. She's pretty, friendly and obviously has a sophisticated emotional life – like most women I know. But the bachelors talk about her as if she were the second coming of Christ. That was the only thing that sounded canned to me, because the beautiful Vassos is not unusual; it is the men who seem unusual because they express their appreciation for her so often and so energetically.

One reason this series is far less awkward is that sex, at least so far, is not at the top of the agenda.

The women competing for Gerry Turner’s attention The Golden Bachelor were either prompted to accentuate their sexuality or naturally resorted to it as a means of seduction. This is not surprising, since traditionally women's physical attractiveness, which is closely linked to our sexuality and reproductive power, is often our currency. For men, on the other hand, their currency has traditionally been their ability to provide a safe, comfortable environment. The move away from overt sexuality is evident in Vassos' dress – tight and shimmery but revealing very little – and in the men's mostly formal shirts and ties. And in a nod to tradition, Vassos gives the first impression rose to Keith, who, at 6'5″ and teddy bear figure, makes her feel safe.

Vassos' kindness is not unproven: A Josh Brolin lookalike steps out of the limo and warbles “I Did It My Way,” singing his way loudly and slightly out of tune; another approaches Vassos with a couple of shot glasses of prune juice (to make everything look normal); a third crawls out of the limo with a cane, drops it, and collapses on the floor, where he begins doing one-arm push-ups.

She somehow manages to keep her dignity the whole time. Even in a chaotic pickleball scene where balls are flying everywhere (an apt and entertaining metaphor), she bravely throws punches and ducks in her dress, nearly getting punched in the face, and still seems to be having fun. I wish I could see outtakes.

In the final scene, when Vassos delivers the news of who is staying and who is going home, the men stand in a mourning line, as if awaiting execution. It's easy to see why Vassos is unsettled and angered by her protégé: some of these men have shown their eagerness to please and compete like schoolboys, with a kind of innocence and vulnerability we rarely see in men in general.

In the first episode alone, they cried when they saw a video of their children (and a mother) declaring their love and wishing them luck, they admitted their loneliness, and innocently expressed their dreams of a happy relationship. I'm already partial to one of them – Jordan, the boy who would have been my best friend in high school – and it will be entertaining to see how Vassos makes her choice and why.

The Golden Bachelorette airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC.

Valerie Monroe is the former beauty director at O, The Oprah Magazine and currently writes the Substack newsletter How not to mess up your face.