SHERIFF WAYNE IVEY: Don't sell drugs in Brevard and don't hide contraband in your body when you go to jail

Robert Plummer found his way back to Ivey's Iron Bar Lodge after trying to escape from the deputies

In this week's Drug Dealing For Dummies lesson, we discuss how not a single person in the world wants to take drugs that they've just shoved down their poop hopper.

That's right… if you're trying to hide your drug stash, the last thing you want to think about is your prison wallet, because who in the world wants to ingest something you just stuffed up your butt and then defecated on the floor.

Although Drug Dealing For Dummies is a guide, some things really don't need to be said, such as: don't do drugs, don't sell drugs, don't sell drugs in Brevard County, and definitely don't try to hide drugs by shoving them up your anus if you're going to jail.

Especially when we keep telling you that no matter where you hide your contraband, we will find it with our X-ray machines or during a body search before you are put in a cell.

I mean, let's face it, folks, there aren't many places you can hide drugs during a strip search, so for us, it's really a question of, after we put our gloves on, do we look in your mouth for drugs first or do we look in your prison wallet first.

Unfortunately, not everyone reads Drug Dealing for Dummies, because last night Robert Plummer found his way to Ivey's Iron Bar Lodge again after attempting to flee from police officers who tried to stop him on his bicycle.

You may remember the Weekend Arrest Update stating that Plummer was arrested just a few days ago for resisting arrest and attempting to pull a gun from a bag as officers arrested him.

And now he's doing the exact same shit again, earning another ride on our free shuttle to the Brevard County Jail after physically resisting officers again.

The only difference between this time and his last visit a few days earlier is that when he was taken to the changing area last night to change into his new prison uniform, he defecated on the floor and three individual bags of drugs jumped out.

VIDEO ABOVE: Brevard Sheriff Wayne Ivey and Cpl. Jay Martinez let out their inner “SNL” humor with “Weekend Arrest Update”

That's right, he squatted down and defecated three different bags on the ground. These each contained 5.3 grams of a substance that field tested positive for meth, 4 grams of a substance that field tested positive for meth, and one bag that contained 5.29 grams of a substance that field tested positive for cocaine.

Well, no matter how badly he behaved, we still got him a not-so-nice room with no view at the lodge and some slightly worn shower slides to make his stay more comfortable after he was charged with two counts of introducing contraband into a detention facility, resisting an officer with violence, resisting without violence, two counts of possession of a controlled substance, assault on a police officer, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

In next week's Drug Dealing For Dummies class, we'll talk about how drug dealing is bad enough, but if you're stupid enough to lay a hand on one of our deputies, it's without question the dumbest thing you'll ever do.

– Sheriff Wayne Ivey