Francis Ford Coppola's $120 million passion project is a crazy disaster

In Francis Ford Coppola's confusing “Megalopolis,” two battles are fought.

A feud exists between a forward-thinking architect named Cesar (Adam Driver), who wants to transform the fictional American city of New Rome into a futuristic utopia, and the money-hungry mayor Franklyn Cicero (Giancarlo Esposito), who cares about profit and pleasure.

And a new war is raging on the screen. The opponents? The audience's sincere desire to enjoy what is probably the last film by the brilliant director of “The Godfather” and “Apocalypse Now” and the obvious reality that his new film is a disaster.

As with any bad movie that wobbles on the stilts of good intentions, you can guess who wins.

For all its high-minded ideals, Megalopolis is impossible not to like. To even politely admire this cacophony of concepts requires the willpower of an army.

Coppola begins with a loud speech. “Our American Republic is not so different from ancient Rome,” explains narrator Laurence Fishburne, adding that we “may fall victim to the insatiable lust for power of a few men.”

Almost every line of “Megalopolis” could be followed by “The defense rests!”

The screenwriter and director's setting is apparently New York – the license plates say Empire State and there are gladiator fights in Madison Square Garden – but instead the film is called New Rome.

The familiar city and the retro film itself definitely have the blurriness of 1990s New York.

There's a loose Art Deco feel everywhere. Women wear see-through Halloween togas and men look like Guys and Dolls players on their way to a funeral. The detailed aesthetic doesn't make it any less ugly.

In Gloom and Doom, Driver plays Cesar, a famous architect and inventor of Megalon, an indestructible element with untapped potential for construction and healthcare.

Nush Berman (Dustin Hoffman) succinctly condemns the material during a public meeting about the plans for New Rome. “No, no, no! Concrete, concrete, concrete!” he yells.

Cesar gives us a taste of what's to come and then delivers the entire “To Be or Not to Be” monologue from Hamlet. Who knows why. Well, we, the audience, certainly suffer the onslaught of an outrageous film.

Shakespeare's timeless words stand in stark contrast to the penultimate scene, in which Jon Voigt, as Cesar's shady uncle Crassus, a banker, asks: “What do you think of my erection?”

Mayor Cicero detests Cesar. “This man is the curse of my existence! I want him out of my life!” he screams subtly. But his rebellious daughter Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel) is infatuated with the famous designer and wants to have a romance with him.

While I hesitate to blame the actors since the script is Satan's TED Talk, Emmanuel's pathetic performance is a testament to the emotional devotion of a McDonald's drive-thru worker just before closing time.

Julia isn't the only one mourning Cesar. The brooding construction worker, whose wife died mysteriously years ago, is also sleeping with Wow Platinum (Aubrey Plaza), a wacky TV reporter who hosts a show called “Money Bunny.” Plaza fits into this world as well as anyone, which is to say, she doesn't fit into it.

Jealous of his power and his girl, Cesar is challenged by Clodio (Shia LaBeouf), a Tybalt-type with a ponytail and eyeliner who begins an unlikely rise. In a mocking moment, Clodio puts on a dress and proclaims, “Revenge tastes best in a dress!”

Cesar also has the uncanny ability to stop time, which seems like a belated copy of The Matrix. However, this could be because Fishburne, as his assistant Fundi, understandably defaults to Morpheus mode.

Cesar does his distortion trick by simply saying “Stop time!” as if the laws of physics were a golden retriever. Don't frown if you think about that too long. Or anything else.

Coppola put his bookshelf in a blender. The characters quote Petrarch and Marcus Aurelius and speak exclusively in Latin for only a short section. A 16-year-old pop star is introduced as “New Rome's own Vestal Virgin.”

One of the director's more original gimmicks will turn heads. The part is fun while it lasts, but ultimately proves pointless.

From start to finish, the craft is lacking – directing, acting, screenplay, editing, design. The long final third of the film concerns a crashing Soviet satellite and the hostile takeover of Crassus' bank. And the final 10 minutes, from Voigt's phallic rupture to a sickening close-up of a baby, are, frankly, a bad joke.

Coppola said during a question and answer session before the screening that, as with “Apocalypse Now,” he hopes the film’s currently tarnished reputation will improve over time.

“Every time you see it, you get more out of it,” said the director who gave us some of the greatest films of all time. “People love it and people hate it – that's the best reaction.”

But after seeing his $120 million, Rome-inspired passion project full of Shakespeare references, Coppola's words sounded different.

And you, Brute?