Dodgers' Anthony Banda explains how he broke his hand

The emotional pain was far worse than the physical pain for Anthony Banda, the Dodgers reliever who suffered a hairline fracture in his left hand when he hit his pitching hand in frustration on what manager Dave Roberts called ” fixed object” referred to in a game on September 9th against the Chicago Cubs.

“It was very embarrassing, very shameful,” said Banda, a player acquired from the Cleveland Guardians in mid-May who had earned greater leverage by going 2-2 with a 3.23 ERA in 46 games before being suspended for 15 days was injured list. “I really felt like I let everyone down.”

As embarrassed as Banda felt about the incident, he wanted to make an important clarification.

“I didn't hit anything,” said Banda, 31. “Out of frustration, I hit a paper towel dispenser with the outside of my fist, apparently hitting the weakest bone just right until it broke.

“I'm not saying it's OK, but it's not as bad as people thought if I hit something straight on. I don't do this with anything because there is risk. I think of it more as a freak accident, but yes, it was a learning experience.”

After the swelling in his hand subsided, Banda was able to play catch again four days after the injury. He pitched his first bullpen session on Thursday and then completed a 30-pitch bullpen practice before Saturday night's game against Colorado, where his fastball was measured between 94 and 96 mph and his slider was sharp.

Banda is scheduled to take live batting practice on Monday, and Roberts said he expects Banda to be activated if he is able to come off the IL on Wednesday or Thursday.

“The most frustrating thing is that I had no pain or pain the entire time, just a slight swelling in my hand,” Banda said. “But the fact that it responds well and I haven’t lost my ability to rotate my pitches or increase speed is a big plus. It was a big fear, but at the end of the day, when I take action, I want to put it behind me and do everything I can to help this team.”

Part of the healing process was apologizing to his bullpen mates.

“They understand the frustration and emotion part,” Banda said. “They obviously weren't happy with the result but they supported us. They were behind me. Many of them texted me throughout the week on the road trip asking me how I was doing. That alone shows a lot. I know they’re desperate to get me back.”

Another part of the healing process was admitting the mistake and learning from it.

“It's a very hard-fought game and this won't be the last time I blow up, but I have to understand that the consequences are real, that anything can happen in these weak moments and these are things that will potentially haunt me for the rest of my career.

“I'm human, I make mistakes and it was costly. I'm not looking for sympathy – that was me and I owned it. We all do stupid things and I hate the idea that I did that to myself, but as long as we learn from it we can move on.”

Banda, who has two saves, 50 strikeouts and 18 walks in 47 ⅓ innings, gives the Dodgers a second left-handed hitter alongside Alex Vesia, and he could play a crucial postseason role for a bullpen that will likely carry a heavy workload in support injury-plagued rotation of the team.

“This is something we all play for — wearing a Dodgers jersey and playing in the playoffs is special,” said Banda, who has not pitched in a postseason game. “So I’m just ready to be back. Man, I'm driving myself crazy. My family is getting tired of my stubbornness. The training staff is. Everyone is. I’m just ready to come back.”