In a Cucumber: Fermented Vegetables' Battle for Appreciation

Ah, the cucumber. People scream in fear at the mere mention of the evil instrument and watch intently at the green, crusty, hideous stick. Few dare eat it on a burger, let alone straight from the jar. The dripping acid smells of age and hatred of everything good and natural, the bumps on the surface only making the slimy texture worse.

And yet… I love her. There's something about biting off a piece of the sour deliciousness that just gives you a feeling that no other food can provide. The grinding between the teeth; the pungent but delicious flavors that flow across the tongue; the horrified looks from your friends when you eat a whole cucumber in one bite. The experience is unique, and when you finish the cucumber with satisfaction and someone in the corner starts choking, you know you're in a superior position.

Let's examine the suspect vegetable here. It's usually about 8 to 10 cm long, as bumpy as the walk to your grandma's house with a cake on your lap, as sour as the 49 you got that midterm, and as crunchy as a techno- Metal track that your older brother made in the basement. The sheer juiciness of a freshly opened mason jar is unmatched. A plus: Once you've consumed all the delicious snacks included, the juice makes a delicious drink to wash down the fermented pulp.

I can already hear the screams of pain from you poor readers, the gagging gags as you imagine some poor guy drinking an entire glass of pickle juice. However, for all of us cucumber adorers – and we know who we are – the attraction only grows stronger the more time we spend without our precious cucumbers.

And none of you will ever know the joy of the pickles in a burger that feed us and satisfy our hunger for another day until we can enjoy a while of solitude and a delicious glass.

We cucumber lovers are here…and we won't be leaving.

You'll never catch us all.

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