I lost custody of my daughter due to drugs and the justice system

For many, being a person in recovery means something different. For me, this means that since January 2019, I have lived a life full of meaning and resilience. But that came at a huge cost: losing custody of my child.

Ironically, my substance use disorder began at birth. At 29, I had a partner, a job, a house and had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl. What should have been the happiest time of my life turned into a fight to save it.

After the birth, I was prescribed anesthetics by my gynecologist. What I thought was a necessary healing measure turned out to be the source of years of devastating consequences for me and my family.

My substance use disorder progressed very quickly. As the doctors continued to prescribe me narcotics, I had no idea that I would build up a tolerance and only need them to function.

I became involved in the criminal justice system

The drugs became my only focus in life, not my daughter. I lied about my symptoms, visited different doctors, and bought them off the street. As I stole money to support my habit, I became entangled in the criminal justice system—and the challenges of navigating it with a child.

While I was sentenced to a 12-month supervised diversion program, which meant I could continue to care for my daughter, I was not offered comprehensive services such as parenting classes, employment assistance, mental health evaluations, or family case management services. I lied on my substance abuse assessment and my probation officer did not test me for drugs in the first 11 months of my sentence. So while I was able to care for my child, my substance use not only continued, but deepened.

When I failed a drug test in my 12th and final month of supervision, I was eventually thrown back into the incarceration cycle.

At that point, I knew it was time to face the fact that my ability to care for my child was compromised. I gave custody to her father and did what I thought was best at the time. I'm carrying so much guilt and shame in this moment that it's unbearable at times.

17 months after my first arrest, I finally went into treatment for the first time and am now living a life I never thought possible. I did everything I was supposed to do. I have been employed for over five years, support women in a 12-step program, volunteer countless hours, and am currently working on my second college degree. I'm proud of my beautiful life and even though I see my daughter regularly, I still don't have her back.

My heart aches for her every day.

If I had been drug tested, I would have custody of my daughter

I believe in my bones that if I had been drug tested in the first month of my 12 month sentence, I would have been able to seek treatment much sooner and still have custody of my daughter today.

It should never have taken me 17 months to recognize my substance use disorder, let alone seek treatment for it. There were so many warning signs for my probation officer. At one point I urinated in her office chair because I was so high. They sent me home anyway.

The incarceration of a parent has a devastating and far-reaching impact on the health and mental health of the child and parents. Still, no one offered me or my daughter a lifeline – only consequences.

The justice system has failed us. If Kentucky lawmakers are truly as pro-family as they claim, they will make changes that will provide caregivers caught up in the justice system like me with the services they need to keep families together.

Jessica Ashby is a member of Young People in Recovery and Morgan's Mission. She is committed to fighting addiction among young people. She speaks to advocacy groups and teaches a course at a treatment center, using her own life story of recovery to inspire and educate others.

I lost custody of my daughter due to drugs and the justice system

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